Lesson From Walking Around Hell's Gate

Friends or family ?
Which one is more important to you ?

Before the incident, to me, friends are number 1..
It's weird, ain't it ? but, comparing friends to family, i choose friends.
Why ? Friends listen to me, they respect me, but parents don't, they have never agree about my saying of anything. No, no, no.. that's what they always say.

Maybe i am a fool~
I never realize that they actually care though they showed it in different way.
Later after i realized, it's already too late~ i have done a grave mistake. a sin.. which will probably be the worst mistake that i have ever made..

It all happened on that night..
21-11-2008..
After celebrating my master's birthday..
I happened to go out with a friend.. and we have had a nice dinner,,
And so we went back, exchanging gift..
A gift which were never meant to be mine..
I don't even know what's in it and how it looks like.. and it vanish.. just like that..

On my way home, i decided to take a detour, which is a bad decision..
I drove to somewhere where i haven't been there before..
I enjoy the speed, probably about 60 km/hours..
and it happened that i did not notice the motorbike in front of me as the bike has no warning light.. and it crash.. i flew along with my bike.. so did the four, or should i say five person..
I hit my head.. i was sent to the hospital along with the family..
The family of 5, including 1 baby who has not yet been born was in grave danger..
I was sent to Malaysia for treatment, while they were sent to the best hospital at Batam..

I was half-dead.. walking around the hell's gate.. at that time, i wonder why i did not die.. I was supposed to die.. But, i didn't.. I realized the mistakes that i have done.. I realized that family is the number 1, not friends.. though they care but they do not care as much as family do..
That's when i swore to myself that i must be a filial son, i must never let them down..
I recover soon.. But the family, i don't know about them.. my parent protected me from them, they wanna conceal everything without letting me know what has happened.. A little bird told me I cried.. after so many years.. neglecting my parent's kindness.. not realizing their care..

Parents, they are hero.. they give.. without hoping of receiving..
Who on earth is much more noble than they are ?

Recall every moment that you spent with them..
They control, they teach, they scold, they hit.. for us.. for our own sake..

I realized that a bit late.. after taking a walk around the hell's gate and I regretted it..

Heed this..
Cherish it while it's still there, once it's gone,, it will be gone forever..
Realized it before it's too late.. After all, we live this life only for a short while..
Live it to the fullest.. Without any regret~

Failure

Failure.. it just taste so damn bad.
Imagine that you have put in all your effort, give it your all, doing things you have never done before.. and in the end, you failed..
Yeah,, i happen to turn out being a failure..
Call it bad luck, call it one of those times.. call it whatever bad things that you want..
A failure is a failure..
You can never change the fact..
It just happened so suddenly, so fast..

I have been studying the Operational Risks from the very first day the lesson starts.
I stayed back after the lessons just to revise on my own. I know it's hard, people just said so.
That's why i did something I've never done before. I decided to put in a lot of efforts.
I got some encouragement from the lecturer. She showed me something that i would never have imagine. She told me her past experience about completing her ACCA course.
She actually locked herself for quite some time, sacrifice her social life, her boyfriend.
I admire her. Comparing to her, my little staying back to revise seems like nothing.
I worked hard, trying to memorize the important stuff.
Late at night before my exam, i burnt midnight oil, i study till 3 in the morning, leaving me only a couple of hours before i go for the exam.
It's weird, but somehow, i know that i am not ready, and i know that i will fail. though i told myself that if i give it my best shot, i will make it, i will pass.
During the examination itself, i never would have expected that the questions are so easy, so easy that i neglected those stuff. I thought that it will not come out at the exam, but it did.
Then i submitted my work, and i was announced marginal fail.
Urgh.. i failed. i felt empty, blank..
I failed my family, failed my friends, failed myself..

I called my family, and they were shocked. They didn't say anything, but i know, somehow, they're sad. I went back to hometown, spending the break breaking myself, keeping myself occupied with basketball, foods.

Friends tried to console me, that's what friends will do. I appreciate that, but if i told them that i am fine then i am a big liar. Who would not be sad when one faces failure ? I told them i need time and so i am back, starting from zero again.

Failure, as much as it hurts, it actually make people stronger, realizing and reminiscing the mistakes, change and break the limit, challenge it all over again, never giving up.

And now, i am back.. the next one will be a bigger challenge, i dunno if i can pass it but i will break my limit, give it my best shot. If i were to fail again, then i have to try again.

Never give up.
Failure is never the end, Giving up is where it ends.