A World Without You

Call me naïve,
Call me stubborn,
Call me fool,
Call me whatever you want..
I just want you to know.. Life without you will be so empty.. I wouldn’t even dare to imagine that..
I don’t think I can live without you, at least for now..
You are the reason for me to fight, to strive, to survive..
I’ve been through living hell.. Walking my roads with guilt and sins..
Yet, you forgive me and still protected me.. Even if it means sacrificing yourself.. I am sure that you would do that..
You are the sole reason.. For me.. To keep pushing forward.. Till I finally reach there.. My Dream..
Whenever I felt that this is it.. I’ve had enough.. Just a lil’ thought about you.. Everything is alright and it starts all over again..
Believe me.. I really wish you could stay here with me.. Forever..
In this sick and rotten world..
Watching me grow, watch me fight for my dreams and watch me change this world with every single smile, every kindness, every tears, and every effort..
You’ve watched over me half-of-your precious life..
You taught me what is the right and what is wrong.. You taught me how to be an honourable man.. A man, who truly deserves to be called a Gentleman..
A strong soul, filled with firm determination, unbreakable heart and never giving up will..
I may not be the person you wanted me to be.. For I, choose my own path.. I will prove my worth..
And when I reached there.. Finally.. I’ll watch over you for the rest of your life..
I realized that you can’t be here with me.. Forever..
For we are all human being.. so small, so fragile and yet we shine so brightly.. Through hope, we survive.. Through wish, we fight.. Through dream, we create..
Oh, God, I hope and I wish.. YOU will watch over them, protect them and bless them..
I will never ask for more than YOUR protection and blessing..

I am not prepared and I am not ready.. To live my life in a world without you..

God Exists.. If You Believe..

People tends to ask for protections, fortunes, blessings from God whenever they are in trouble..
I, once, was such man as well..
I even lost faith in God..
There's no God.. God isn't there when i need blessings..
I even curse God..
And i am wrong..
Hell wrong..
Such a fool, ungrateful being.. i am..

The day without God, without faith.. perhaps, is the darkest hours in life..
It seems like God is against me.. Everything that i do will ended up in negative side..
I regret..
The sin.. i will never be able to wash that away..
All i can do now.. is to live life with faith.. with God..

God is always there..
All the things that had happened in my life.. success, failure, happiness, sadness, anxiety, excitement.. everything.. is all part of the Great God's blessings and tests..

God is there every seconds.. watching over you and me..
Everything that happens.. From the second you wake up, the moment you eat.. the moment you sleep.. it's all God's blessings.. And along the road of your life.. There's obstacle.. tests.. that you must overcome.. to survive.. to be the fittest..
If u have faith.. if u believe.. God will guide you.. help you.. to overcome it..
God will not be there.. if u ask for God whenever you are in trouble..

Live with faith.. my friend..
Live with God..
Cherish every seconds that you have..
There's no telling what'll happen the next second..
Appreciate the blessings, the tests..
Do not forget to thank God at the end of every day..
Every moment you pray, God will hear and enlighten you..

God exists, if you believe..

Smiley Mask

'I am strong..'
'Don't worry, i am fine..'
'It's/i'm alright.. really..'

These words can usually be heard when unfortunate things happened..
And i think sometimes these words are lies..

Sometimes people who said those words are actually the weakest person..
They are weak.. on the inside..
They fake a smile and say those words..
And yet tears fall within them..
They just don't wanna show their feelings..
They'd rather wore a mask of smiley..

Maybe they don't want others to worry about them,
Maybe they don't trust people as they had been deceived before,
Maybe they cannot share what their problem is,,
Maybe and just maybe.. there are just so many reasons..

But i respect those people who said those words..
I respect them..
Whatever reasons they have..
They must have their reasons..

Sometimes, people need time.. to be alone, to calm down.. to reminisce.. to recall.. to learn..
Sometimes people need supports, need opinions.. need help..

Understand them, respect them..
They deserve cares..

Nobody wants to be alone forever..
Everybody needs somebody..

Wearing a smiley mask is not an easy tasks..
And it doesn't feel good to actually wear one..

Time Flies

Time really flies.
It's been 19 years since i was born to this world. I haven't done anything worthy to prove my existence yet. I am really looking forward to earning my first bucks, owning my own properties, owning my own cars, having a partner to share my life with. I hope this year would be different from the rest of the years. I wish i can earn my first bucks this year.
Time flies.

Time really flies.
My ten months diploma course will end soon. It will be farewell with my friends soon, i really appreciate all those times that we've spent together. I will never forget you guys and girls. I hope at any time in the future we will be able to meet up again and share our life's experiences. Whenever there's a meeting, there'll be farewell. Since we met, then we must prepare for the farewell.
Time flies.

Time really flies.
I have been through a lot this year, i excelled in my studies, i got great grade; i failed my exam as well. I learnt a lot, getting my pace back after failure is indeed the greatest challenge, i never thought that i can excel my studies as i was not a study material back in those days. Maybe i was too proud, maybe i was too careless, maybe i was too reckless; that's why i failed. It's a sign for me to improve myself, building a greater character out of me. God still loves me.
Time flies.

Time really flies.
It will never wait for us. It is up to us to make the most of it.
It can never be turned back. Opportunity comes only once, if you miss it, you will regret it.

Wise man uses time wisely, live your life like your last, never wait for things to happen as it will never happen without any reason. Make things happen, with your own strength, with your own hands with your own ability.

Time flies.
Don't wait till tomorrow what you can actually do today.

Lesson From Walking Around Hell's Gate

Friends or family ?
Which one is more important to you ?

Before the incident, to me, friends are number 1..
It's weird, ain't it ? but, comparing friends to family, i choose friends.
Why ? Friends listen to me, they respect me, but parents don't, they have never agree about my saying of anything. No, no, no.. that's what they always say.

Maybe i am a fool~
I never realize that they actually care though they showed it in different way.
Later after i realized, it's already too late~ i have done a grave mistake. a sin.. which will probably be the worst mistake that i have ever made..

It all happened on that night..
21-11-2008..
After celebrating my master's birthday..
I happened to go out with a friend.. and we have had a nice dinner,,
And so we went back, exchanging gift..
A gift which were never meant to be mine..
I don't even know what's in it and how it looks like.. and it vanish.. just like that..

On my way home, i decided to take a detour, which is a bad decision..
I drove to somewhere where i haven't been there before..
I enjoy the speed, probably about 60 km/hours..
and it happened that i did not notice the motorbike in front of me as the bike has no warning light.. and it crash.. i flew along with my bike.. so did the four, or should i say five person..
I hit my head.. i was sent to the hospital along with the family..
The family of 5, including 1 baby who has not yet been born was in grave danger..
I was sent to Malaysia for treatment, while they were sent to the best hospital at Batam..

I was half-dead.. walking around the hell's gate.. at that time, i wonder why i did not die.. I was supposed to die.. But, i didn't.. I realized the mistakes that i have done.. I realized that family is the number 1, not friends.. though they care but they do not care as much as family do..
That's when i swore to myself that i must be a filial son, i must never let them down..
I recover soon.. But the family, i don't know about them.. my parent protected me from them, they wanna conceal everything without letting me know what has happened.. A little bird told me I cried.. after so many years.. neglecting my parent's kindness.. not realizing their care..

Parents, they are hero.. they give.. without hoping of receiving..
Who on earth is much more noble than they are ?

Recall every moment that you spent with them..
They control, they teach, they scold, they hit.. for us.. for our own sake..

I realized that a bit late.. after taking a walk around the hell's gate and I regretted it..

Heed this..
Cherish it while it's still there, once it's gone,, it will be gone forever..
Realized it before it's too late.. After all, we live this life only for a short while..
Live it to the fullest.. Without any regret~

Failure

Failure.. it just taste so damn bad.
Imagine that you have put in all your effort, give it your all, doing things you have never done before.. and in the end, you failed..
Yeah,, i happen to turn out being a failure..
Call it bad luck, call it one of those times.. call it whatever bad things that you want..
A failure is a failure..
You can never change the fact..
It just happened so suddenly, so fast..

I have been studying the Operational Risks from the very first day the lesson starts.
I stayed back after the lessons just to revise on my own. I know it's hard, people just said so.
That's why i did something I've never done before. I decided to put in a lot of efforts.
I got some encouragement from the lecturer. She showed me something that i would never have imagine. She told me her past experience about completing her ACCA course.
She actually locked herself for quite some time, sacrifice her social life, her boyfriend.
I admire her. Comparing to her, my little staying back to revise seems like nothing.
I worked hard, trying to memorize the important stuff.
Late at night before my exam, i burnt midnight oil, i study till 3 in the morning, leaving me only a couple of hours before i go for the exam.
It's weird, but somehow, i know that i am not ready, and i know that i will fail. though i told myself that if i give it my best shot, i will make it, i will pass.
During the examination itself, i never would have expected that the questions are so easy, so easy that i neglected those stuff. I thought that it will not come out at the exam, but it did.
Then i submitted my work, and i was announced marginal fail.
Urgh.. i failed. i felt empty, blank..
I failed my family, failed my friends, failed myself..

I called my family, and they were shocked. They didn't say anything, but i know, somehow, they're sad. I went back to hometown, spending the break breaking myself, keeping myself occupied with basketball, foods.

Friends tried to console me, that's what friends will do. I appreciate that, but if i told them that i am fine then i am a big liar. Who would not be sad when one faces failure ? I told them i need time and so i am back, starting from zero again.

Failure, as much as it hurts, it actually make people stronger, realizing and reminiscing the mistakes, change and break the limit, challenge it all over again, never giving up.

And now, i am back.. the next one will be a bigger challenge, i dunno if i can pass it but i will break my limit, give it my best shot. If i were to fail again, then i have to try again.

Never give up.
Failure is never the end, Giving up is where it ends.